Something familiar, Something peculiar.
Something for everyone:  A comedy tonight!
Something appealing, Something appalling,
Something for everyone:  A comedy tonight!

Nothing for kings, nothing for crowns;
Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!
Old situations, New complications,
Nothing portentous or polite;
Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!

Something convulsive, Something repulsive,
Something for everyone:  A comedy tonight!
Something aesthetic, Something frenetic,
Something for everyone:  A comedy tonight!

Nothing of gods, nothing of fate;
Weighty affairs will just have to wait!
Something erratic, Something dramatic,
Something for everyone:  A comedy tonight!

Something familiar, Something peculiar,
Something for everybody:  Comedy tonight!
Something that's gaudy, Something that's bawdy--
Something for everybawdy!  Comedy tonight!

Pantaloons and tunics!  Courtesans and eunuchs!
Funerals and chases!  Baritones and basses!
Panderers, philanderers, cupidity, timidity,
Mistakes, fakes, rhymes, crimes,
Tumblers, grumblers, bumblers, fumblers!

No royal curse, no Trojan horse,
And a happy ending, of course!
Goodness and badness, Panic is madness--
This time it all turns out all right!
Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!